Our Favorite Topic: Suffering & Trials

I’m struck today by the goodness, kindness, mercy, compassion, and omnipotence of our Father God.  Where would I be without Him?  Where would my family be without Him?  Where would my parents be without Him?  Dead, carrying AIDS, on our death beds, addicted to drugs, divorced (more than just me once! ha), scared, hateful, headed to hell on a roller coaster just teasing us along the way, but making us vomit and get neck injuries, giggling in between as it slyly takes us way too fast toward the end.

My oldest son was in a car accident today and totaled his truck.  He hydroplaned going down a hill on wet roads as a tow truck was coming in the opposite direction.  He wasn’t able to get the truck back in to his lane and they hit, almost head on.  Thankfully, his air bag went off and saved his head and neck from what could have been an even worse  impact.  His wheel broke off the frame upon impact and the truck skidded another 25 feet or so on the frame of the truck, landing in the ditch, squishing the front, drivers side frame up to the front, cutting and bruising his shin.  That’s all he came away with tho…a cut to the shin.  My kids have cuts on their legs, shins, ankles, all the time from construction work, playing too rough at the river, building things with wood and sharp tools…a cut to the shin?  That’s it?!  PRAISE THE DEAR LORD ALMIGHTY!  Serious angels were on duty and have been over my children and their lives all along.  I’m sure I have no idea just how much.  God is relentless to hear our prayers of  angelic covering over his life and to continue to protect him from things that could have been so much worse.

This is the same son who was diagnosed with Epilepsy in May of this year.  He had 2 Grand Mal seizures about 45 minutes apart back in October 2018 and was rushed to the ER after cracking his chin open from going unconscious and falling to the tile floor below; then had the 2nd in the ER.  He wasn’t diagnosed then because the Dr.’s felt they were a random but common side effect to a medication he’d been put on about a month before and sleep deprivation (one of the most common causes of seizures, actually!).  He was put on anti seizure medicine and after a wait to see a neurologist for further testing to rule out Epilepsy, he was cleared from any epileptic behaviors and told he could discontinue his medicine when he felt comfortable doing so.  He stayed on them for a few months, then felt free to stop.  For about 4 months, he had no issues.

In May of this year, he left for work.  I blew him a kiss as I heard him leave, and about an hour and a half later, I got a call from the Emergency Room.  He had a seizure while driving to work.  With Grand Mal seizures there are 2 parts…the first is losing consciousness, then the entire body stiffens, teeth clamp down, then the convulsions, where the entire body shakes, every muscle is extended beyond normal abilities and can last up to the 5 minutes.  Once the seizure has passed, it can take 20 minutes or more for a person to become cognitive of where they are and who they are, much like coming out of anesthesia after a serious surgery.  After TWO, of these, it can take much longer…commonly, a week of sleep and rest and more like 30-45 minutes to regain consciousness and awareness of surroundings and with no time in between to regain awareness, the body is taxed.  He lost consciousness and his truck veered through an intersection, before hitting a massive ditch, driving up and over a large hill, through a sign, through a barbed wire fence, and through about 300 ft of an empty field, where the truck finally got stuck so deep in the mud it wouldn’t keep going.  Thankfully, someone saw the truck in the field and called 911 about 15 minutes after it had happened.  Once the fire department got to him, after fighting with the mud (there was an intense amount of rain this spring), the truck’s wheels were still spinning and his foot was still on the gas, despite his unconscious state.  They took him to the Emergency room where they had no idea what had happened, so quickly took him for a CT scan to try to check his brain and for any other clues.  While he was having the CT scan, he had another seizure, this time an even longer one.  He was quickly given anti seizure medicine to slow the seizure and to prevent any further seizures.  It was after he regained consciousness from this seizure that they were able to get a person’s name to call from him and they called me.

My first thought, especially not knowing any details at the time, was how thankful I was that he was ok.  My heart pounded and mid workout, I rushed off dripping in sweat, to the Hospital to see him and find out what had happened.  Upon arriving, he was groggy, still waking up, and felt tired, but happy to see me.  The Dr promptly explained what had conspired (or at least what they knew from the fire department EMT’s who had dropped him off), and explained how lucky he was to be alive.  I hugged him and hugged him, holding his hand and head.  He was still acting a little loopy and falling asleep every few seconds.  He’d been given high doses of anti seizure meds and was reacting to those and also the affects of 2 Grand Mal seizures back to back once again.

He was ok though…besides the affects of the seizures on his body, he didn’t hit anyone else crossing through that intersection, hadn’t hit his head, and had no other physical damage to his body, expect a scrape/cut on his foot that had come from the pressure of the gas pedal.  A MIRACLE.  An absolute miracle!!!!  There wasn’t anyone crossing through that intersection and light at that point, he didn’t hit another car, no one hit him, through all the huge impacts of the deep ditch and hill, sign and fence, he’d not been hurt.  Praise the LORD!  I was in absolute, “fall on your face” gratitude.  I had never been so overwhelmed with thankfulness and the recognition of God’s divine mercy, and the angelic protection that I knew had to have surrounded him that morning.  I was in awe.

He indeed slept for a week, waking up to eat now and then, and talk a little, processing as he went as he had no memory of what had happened that morning.  I slept next to him on the couch at night and didn’t go to work for half of the week, as I was on edge for his safety and hoping to protect him from any further problems as he recovered. We saw the neurologist again, who (long story short) diagnosed him with Epilepsy…one of the most ambiguous conditions out there, as they can only test so far in to the brain without killing a person.  Medications are often guess work, trial and error, and figuring out triggers is often impossible and never discovered.  We were all faced with trying to wrap our heads around such open ended news…what does this mean for his life?  What does it mean for his future?  What does it mean for him to drive?  How do we live with peace day in and day out as we “wait?”  How does he plan for his future with such a thing?

This is the same son who’s best friend passed away from a tragic car accident 2 Christmases ago…suddenly, abruptly, without seeming cause or purpose.  This is also the same son who’s biological dad (along with his younger brother) is homeless, living under a cliff somewhere, with numerous warrants from numerous states out for his arrest, for an array of different crimes, who they haven’t seen since they were 11 and 12.  (Huge redemptive story though…their step dad adopted them then and they have a wonderful example of a Godly man and loving father!)

This is only the last year or so of our lives…I’m not mentioning all that’s happened before this.  Suffering.  Why does it seem some of us are dealt more than our fair share and others seem to be dealt hardly any at all?  Why are there others who seem to have been dealt far more than seems purposeful and others living along side us who seem to rarely be put in a place of suffering/trial?  Honestly, I don’t understand this part of life, and to be real honest, I’ve shaken my fist at God and yelled at Him, telling Him how angry I am, more times than I can count.  Now, I do know that some of what we “suffer” are merely consequences or life playing out because of our own choices.  I’m not naïve to that…I know a lot of what I’ve suffered has been the result of my bad choices, but what about the ones that aren’t?  What about the things that seem to be for no reason at all, or because of someone else’s poor choices and yet our lives are still affected by them? What about the things that seem to be “out of the blue” and seem to come from nowhere?  These are the things I’m talking about.

At the end of the day, I go back to this, His Word…my breath and the very thing that sustains my life.

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace.  In this world, you will have trouble.  But take heart!  I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

And this, “But how is it to your credit if you receive a beating for doing wrong and endure it?  But if you suffer for doing good and you endure it, this is commendable before God.  To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps.”  1 Peter 2:20-21

And this, “Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.”  Romans 5:3-5

And THIS:  “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you.”  Isaiah 41:10

Listen to this…

 

 

Every year, I ask the Lord for the verse that will sustain me and give me life for that year…the last 2 years, it’s been this, “Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.”  Romans 12:12  I’ve been challenged to continue to lift up my song of praise in the midst of suffering knowing it’s one of our biggest weapons of warfare against the evil one-physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  I’ve not been perfect through any of the suffering we’ve endured, but my prayer is the Lord would do His work in me through it and I would come up leaning on my beloved Savior.  I love what she sings at the end of the song I included above…”I’m starting to see the darkness around me is just the shadow of Your wings.”  What a beautiful picture of a renewed mind that’s beginning to see the darkness, life, suffering, trial, hardship with the mind of Christ which He gives us when we give our lives to Him…the covering and nearness of God, even through hard things is still ever present, more near than we can often see or feel-so close that we’re covered by the shadow of His wings over us.  He never leaves us or forsakes us.  We can’t give up.  We have to press in (and sometimes for me it’s been a clawing, scraping, digging, kicking and screaming, wailing journey to continue to carry Godly hope in my heart.  In the end, I also know and believe that this life isn’t all there is.  We have an eternal hope because His promise is a triumphant victory in the end and a life with Him for eternity if we don’t give up.

About 2 years ago, in the midst of suffering/trials, knowing that thanksgiving is my way to hope and God’s goodness can be seen in every situation…I started listing as many “good in the sitch (situation)” as I could find.  I texted them to a friend every day to renew my heart to see God’s goodness and remember His faithfulness, despite what life looked like in that moment.  It’s changed my attitude and heart and gives me a practical pathway to steer my heart back toward thankfulness and perspective…always praying I come out on the other side stronger, more appreciative and aware of His goodness and love for us, knowing in my mind (and eventually my heart completely!) that He loves me and my family, His children, even more than I do.

And God willing, one day I’ll actually, really and truly REJOICE in my heart knowing that the suffering is producing (as long as I’m submitting myself to Him and His will) perseverance, character, and HOPE that does not disappoint.

Amen.