I hope you listened to that before you started reading this post. My oldest listened to this over and over, loud, in his headphones, after what I’m about to write…it’s powerful. There are few albums I’ll totally vouch for, this is one of them. The whole album. So. Moving. Inspiring. God Breathed.
It speaks of and reminds me of what I’m feeling tonight.
I listen to it about every other day because of what I’m about to write.
A year and 3 months ago, our oldest son’s best friend died in a tragic car accident…an unjust, unfair, awful car accident. Yesterday was his 21st birthday. TWENTY ONE. It wasn’t his fault. My oldest and second born sons (who have been through more than they should have before they were 10-because of my bad choices) mourned his death deep. He was a breath of fresh air to them, another guy the same age with so many of the same interests, the same ideas, same thoughts, same silly, beautiful, crazy humor, even the same life occurrences as them, like playing soccer at the same age, not liking it, playing other sports, liking football, having a little brother, so many other things I can’t even remember…I just remember when they told me all of the things that were the same as them and that they had in common, it was UNREAL, like instant brothers, who had been doing the same things for all those 19 years, and believed and felt the same about God, who loved their families the same, and had the negative and even somewhat cynical ideas about life as each other. Just the most amazing friendship I’ve ever seen. Luke Ross was a gift to my boys, to our family. Our oldest would come home lit up…talking about his Luke, like he was the friend you hear about people having but they had never experienced and he had found him. He was so happy, felt like he could conquer the world with him helping him through…classes at JBU, life, girls, struggles…and then our 2nd born fell in love with him quickly after. The talk about this kid was mind blowing…kind of like a movie, like, he was too good to be true. He was a gift. He was a gift. I tell them often, “at least you were able to know that kind of friendship, even for a short time, than never to have known it at all. I believe you’ll forever be grateful. That’s rare. Thank Jesus for Luke.” And they do.
I had to go in and tell them the news, Dec. of 2017, on Christmas break, just days before Christmas. They were sleeping in late that morning, enjoying no responsibilities and much needed sleep. I got the call and my heart not only sunk, but sunk so far that I couldn’t understand what was happening. I cried out in my Spirit, not out loud, “Jesus, what is happening? How do you expect them to get through this? What do I do? WHY DID YOU ALLOW THIS??!! Why?! Why?!!! His mom…his family, his friends…why?!!!!!”
I fell to the ground in my room. I gasped for air. I didn’t know what to do. My thoughts ran and went crazy…what was I going to do? We had family at the house and I couldn’t even fathom what had happened….this gift that had finally been given to our kids, was taken away. I knew there was someone like them out there. He was him. He was Luke Ross. He was him. And now he was taken from them.
“Jesus?? You’re holding me together. Jesus? My heart is yours. Jesus? I’m running to your mercy.
(Found In You-Josh Baldwin (The War Is Over album, made for me and my boys for this season)
But, Jesus?? Where are You? What? Why? What? Jesus????
I told Daryl and asked him to go with me. We were shaking…our knees, literally weak. Our hearts and minds, souls, went in to “help our kids get through this” mode-something only the Lord could give.
My boys looked at me in awe, in disbelief, with eyes that I could see couldn’t believe what I was saying, and why I would say it…eyes that couldn’t understand, but eyes who accepted what I was saying, understood, and immediately grieved and missed his presence…
Then after understanding what I was saying, their faces turned in to their pillows, in sobbing, weeping, tears, at the realization that their best friend who was almost to wonderful to be true, was gone.
I don’t pretend to be grieving like his mother, his father, his family…I don’t know their pain, we don’t know their pain. But we know that God is our only hope. I, today, as I struggle with why God allows such things to some of us who’ve “suffered” more than others ever seem to, know that God is my only hope. God is my boys’ only hope, now and forever. He is the only One I cling to. He is the One I count on to hold them behind and before until the day He returns or He calls them home. What would we have without Him?! Nothing. Nothing.
My oldest listened to this album loud in his headphones, so loud, I could hear it from outside the headphones, for months after Luke’s death. God is our/your only hope. God is real. God is bigger than death, than sorrow, than hurt, than injustice, than pain, than anything you can imagine. Cling to Him. Get Your Hopes Up. Let Faith Arise. Heaven really is for real. I’ve been astonished and blown away by Luke’s family after his death…the reality of Heaven and that Luke is there, that they WILL see him again, and that he is actually better off than down here, has BLOWN me away, humbled me if I was honest. They have shown so much love, so much faith, so much hope because they know Luke is with Jesus, better off than we all are! Wow. Ross’s, we love you. You’ve made a huge impact on our lives.
If you need prayer tonight for faith and hope, please message me. I will pray for you. Life is full of sorrows, but if you allow it and recognize it, if you are with Him, it is full of JOYS as well. You have to open your eyes and recognize. He loves us. He allows what will make us stronger, if you lean in to Him and allow Him to change you and mold you through it. It’s worth it. Just do it.
He is a good and merciful God. He really is, no matter what. Ross family, we love you. We pray for you daily.
In Memory, love, and appreciation for the life of Luke Ross and his amazing family who made him the way he was and loved him even more than we do. Blessings in the Name of Jesus to you. Blessings to my boys in the Name of Jesus today and forever. You are good, God, today and forever, to me and my family. I believe and proclaim it.
AMEN.
Jody Simmons 